At the time, I was showing up in a way that didn’t align with my goals. But this whole process started by looking at how to move forward, and deciding which road I was going to take. Decision is the catalyst that will move your dreams forward. It doesn’t matter what your dream is, if you learn the power of decision, you are going to get out of that rut and start seeing some progress.
Join me on the podcast this week to discover how to start aligning your goals with your soul and start making decisions that move you towards your dreams. I’m sharing what my life looked like before I started making the difficult choices, and what you have to bring into your life to start making the decisions that matter.
You are listening to episode five of the Wealthy Happy Soul Podcast: Decision.
Welcome to The Wealthy Happy Soul Podcast, a show for high achievers who are ready to start enjoying the life they’ve worked so hard to create. Join me, your host and certified life coach Dr. Tangie, to learn how to start infusing the dedication you have for your career into living a truly fulfilling life. If you’re ready to finally gain the happiness your soul has been longing for, this podcast is for you.
Hello everybody. Welcome to episode five. I am so happy you’re here. And I want to begin by thanking a Kentucky male therapist who left me a wonderful review on this podcast. He said, “Amazing podcast. Dr. Tangie helps visualize and build a more amazing vision of how I want to live my life. Her podcast is one of the best ones I’ve listened to.” And I just want to say thank you so much for that, I am so very grateful.
And just to remind you, and everyone who has left or will be leaving a review, please don’t miss out on the giveaway I’m doing. If you screenshot your review and email it to me at email@example.com you will be entered into the giveaway. If you forget to screenshot it and email it to me I won’t be able to enter you into the giveaway for one of the five $100 gift cards I’m giving away, as iTunes does not give me a way to contact you when you leave a review. So that’s just a quick reminder. And now we’re going to get into the episode.
So today I got a Facebook reminder that I actually published my first book exactly two years ago. And it got me thinking about that journey and its relation to how I really got into coaching in the first place. And in hindsight deciding to write and then later deciding to publish that book is one of my favorite life adventures. And to this day I’m really amazed that I wrote a book of that caliber in only six weeks. And people ask me how I do it all the time. And to answer that question it’s important to understand what was happening in my life at that time.
In work and my personal life I was a forensic pathologist working in the city of Chicago, it was very busy. And essentially to put it quite frankly, I was choosing work and money over my own sense of purpose and calling. At the time I was very accomplished but I was also really exhausted. And I felt like a cog in a machine. And I knew that if that machine broke down that I would be easily replaceable. So it just kind of felt like a big old triple whammy of un-fulfillment.
And culturally at that time was the first wave of the police involved shootings that have wreaked havoc on our country and devastated so many of us. And especially for Black Americans there is this extra layer of emotional processing that behooves us to do through everything. So I was trying everything to just kind of keep a handle on my mental health. And really figure out what my more was.
I was working and I had this great job, I was living in a great city, but I knew that there was more for me. But things hadn’t really clicked for me yet on really how to make it all come together and really find work, and really live a life that I was happy with. So I decided to hire my first life coach. And the most important thing she taught me was how to draw a line in the sand and actually make that decision, and I’m forever grateful to her for that. And in that process what I had to come to grips with was that what I was saying I wanted didn’t match up with how I was showing up.
I was saying that I want this really amazing life filled with purpose, and travel, and friends, and a business that I didn’t know really what it was yet, and fun. And I just really wanted to enjoy myself. And I couldn’t even show up to the coaching calls. And she called me on it, she was like, “Listen, these two things don’t match. And if you don’t start making decisions you are going to keep digging a deeper, and deeper, and deeper hole, and that’s how people find themselves in a rut.”
So I found myself in this process of where I really had to have to come to Jesus with myself and be like, “Hey, what do you want? What is it that you really want?” And this life that I’m living today is the life that I wanted at the time. And I’m so happy that I decided to go in that direction for myself.
And during the process of working with my first coach I also found something that I had always dreamt of doing. And a lot of us when we’re trying to make change we have a gazillion things that we are wanting to do. It’s like we want to start a business, we want to write a book, we want to get married, we want to have kids, we want to date, we want to get a new wardrobe, we want whatever it is. We want to do a lot of stuff all at once.
And the magic comes in when you learn the concept of addition by subtraction. And what that means is that yeah, you have a gazillion things you want to do but you cannot do them all at once. And if you try to divide your energy into a million little pieces, you’re not going to get anything done. So you have to pick one thing, you have to subtract all the other things and focus all of your energy into that one thing. And that’s how you get momentum and that’s how you get traction.
So in working with my first life coach I had to pick my one thing. And my one thing was I had always wanted to write a book. And I knew I was smart but I wasn’t really sure that I could do it. So that was my second line in the sand decision. The first was I was going to change my life.
The second was to start in that direction, I was going to write a book, and I did. And I’m very proud of myself, I’m very proud of my book. And at the time I was half fuelled by the therapeutic effect of writing on my mental psyche. And I was also half motivated by this sense of defiance that I’ve worked hard and I deserve to enjoy this life that I have worked so hard to create for myself. And just with the power of decision I was able to write this really amazing book, The Hundredth Nubian Effect in just six weeks. So that’s what we’re going to talk about today.
We’re talking about decisions because decision is the catalyst that will move your dreams forward. It doesn’t matter what your dream is, if you learn the power of decision you are going to get out of that rut and start moving forward today. And the main point about decisions is that there is a very big difference between what people are saying that they want. Like I was in the previous example when I was saying I wanted all these things, and what they are really actually willing to put in the work to get.
And as I’m talking about this, I’m just getting this imagery, it’s just kind of like everybody wants to get on a plane and fly to Bali or Dubai. But nobody really acknowledges all of the resistance that that plane has to overcome just to get off the ground. Decision is what helps you overcome that resistance. And a lot of that resistance is going to show up as your willingness or unwillingness to be in a state of acknowledgement of where you are, how you got there and where the road you’re currently on, where does it lead?
There are many paths or experiences, and each path is a decision. So to stay on the path that you’re currently on, that’s one decision. To want to be somewhere else and have a different experience in life, that’s a completely different decision. And what most people don’t think about is even indecision is also a decision.
So even if you’re staying completely still and you’re overwhelmed and you’re getting bogged down in all the things that are going on in your mind about should I go right, should I go left? And you’re really not going anywhere because you’re really making the decision to stay stuck even though it’s probably unconscious.
And what I want to say about getting stuck or being stuck is that I think a lot of us make that decision unconsciously because we’re so afraid that we’re going to make the wrong decision. And really there rarely is such a thing because wherever you are there is plenty of room for growth, whether in the past you may have chose a path of suffering, there’s growth there. Or in the past you may have chosen the path of growth. And it’s the path of growth, there’s growth there. Or some people in the past may have chosen the path of ease. And ease has its own growth.
And even staying stuck, a lot of times when you make that decision you end up in a place where you’re sick and tired of being sick and tired, because you keep running around in circles for years, and years, and years. And you haven’t moved since 1983. But guess what, there’s growth there as well. So why not just start choosing the path that brings you the life you prefer? Because you’ve heard me mention this time and time again, time is one of your most valuable assets.
So one of your most valuable skill sets will be the ability to be quick and decisive with what it is that you want. Even just taking really small steps is beneficial. And let me tell you, I am so proud of you right now for even listening to this podcast, because I know by doing so you are a person who is desiring to create a life that includes less exhaustion, and more success, and more happiness.
So here’s the next one, take notes, take notes on all these podcasts. There’s so much value here. Practice at home, go over to my website and take the success alignment quiz. And the more you do all those little things the more you begin to prime yourself to go all in with each passing day.
When we’re talking about decisions they don’t have to be grand or rash. It doesn’t mean go home and quit your job. It doesn’t mean pop down $50,000 on a mastermind and you don’t even have a business yet. What it means is you can do practical little things, like simply carving out time every day to move forward in your goals. You can do things like get an accountability buddy, or get a trainer, or an instructor. You can make the decision that you’re going to do one thing a day that will move you towards the life that you are dreaming about before you go to bed at night.
And there’s this book called Atomic Habits, and it mentions this concept of habit stacking, which is attaching the one thing you usually procrastinate doing, or the one thing that you usually have some resistance about doing. To things that you either do every day, like brushing your teeth, or things that you really love to do, especially if you’re really resistant to the habit you’re trying to create.
Another little thing that I advocate big time is meditation. And a lot of people start freaking out when they hear that word because nobody really knows what it means. And they’re like oh my God, am I doing it right? And how do I know I’m doing it right? And let me just let you know that there is no wrong way to meditate.
And the way I like to think about it is from something I heard years ago, and I wish I could remember who said it. But the concept was that prayer is when you ask God or the universe, or whatever you believe in for the things that you want in your life. And meditation is when you sit down and you listen, and you listen for the answers. And really all you have to do is number one, be still, number two, be quiet, and number three, there, you just meditated for three seconds. Seriously, it is just as easy as that.
And the way I started meditating was I would come home from work and I literally started with setting a timer on my phone for two minutes. I may have even started at one minute or 30 seconds. I can’t really remember. But I know it was a very small amount of time. And I would work my way up week by week.
So one week I would say, “Okay, when I come home I’m going to meditate for one minute.” And then the next week it was two minutes. And then the next week I was like two minutes, that seemed really easy, let’s try five. And eventually I got all the way up to an hour. And really all I did was I closed my eyes, and I took deep breaths. And really you don’t even need to take deep breaths. That came way later for me.
Another trick I used was to focus on something that I wanted to feel in my life like gratitude or love. And I would literally set my timer for one minute or 30 seconds and set the intention of feeling really grateful. And then I would do it again and try to feel even more grateful than I did for the previous one minute or 30 seconds.
And it was a life changer, a game changer and I highly recommend that exercise. Because what it did was it made me feel better after really long days. And it really opened up the space for me to think about other options and to pursue things that I’ve always wanted to pursue. And before I head out I’m going to recommend one other small thing you can do which was life changing for me.
And that is to hire a coach. Yes, I know I’m biased, but this is something I strongly believe in. You will never catch me without a coach for the rest of my days if I can help it. And as I think back on my own journey, I remember when I first heard the word ‘coach’, I think somebody had mentioned something about a dating coach or something like that. And I was like, what is that?
But being the type of person that I am, somebody who’s always looking to grow and to evolve, and at that time I was looking for some relief. So as soon as I heard about it, I don’t know, there was just something on the inside of myself, I was like I really need to look into that. And I looked, and honestly, I’m not going to lie, it was probably a year and a half or two years later that I actually hired my first coach. I didn’t hire my first coach right away. And hindsight is always 20/20. Of course I wish I did. I wish I had a coach since elementary school.
But the point is that if growth, and evolvement, and really reaching your full potential, and personal development, if any of these things are things that resonate with you, look into it. Just make the decision to look because I know it could be really weird at first, because for most of us, a coach is just something that is out of our realm of understanding. But if you think about it, anybody who has ever been great has always had a coach, NBA players, NFL players, Oprah, doctors, lawyers, engineers, CEOs.
Coaching has been around for a long time. It’s just that this is the first time that it’s been so mainstream. And the reason why I love coaching and I love having a coach is because even though I am a brilliant coach, when it comes to myself I have a huge blind spot, which is kind of irritating to me most days. Because I don’t like the fact that even simple things about myself sometimes I have trouble seeing. And it’s irritating because these simple things that it took me so long to allow somebody else to see are those things that had been holding me back.
And don’t get me wrong, I am a smart driven woman, but I still find that having an objective third party to be really essential in my life. It’s been my experience that the coaches that I’ve had were able to believe the best for me even before my own belief caught up. And I think that will be the same for you too.
And most importantly, a good coach will call you on your bull crap. I’ve heard a lot of people when they speak about coaching be sort of dismissive and being like, “You’re just paying somebody to be your friend.” But honestly that’s really not the case. A coach is not a friend that you pay. A coach is somebody who can see the big picture. A coach is somebody who can believe in you before you believe in yourself.
A coach is somebody who has traveled the road that you’re about to embark on and can see the potholes and the divots. They can see your own blind spots. They can see the things that you’re holding onto that is holding you back, and they can tell you the truth about all of it. They’re not scared of you. They’re not trying to please you. They don’t want you to like them. Their main goal is to get you from point A to point B.
So if you find yourself in the situation of having excessive job stress and pressures, and not being able to really show up and create forward momentum in your life, for the dreams that you want to accomplish before you leave Earth. And you’re wanting to feel happiness, and satisfaction, and balance in life, and stop swimming in stagnation, not accomplishing your dreams year after year, continually wasting time, I invite you today to make a line in the sand decision. Because like I said, decision is the catalyst that is going to move you and your dreams forward.
And all you need to do is start with the little things. We mentioned carving out time for yourself, meditating, hiring a coach, all these things are small steps that you could take to become more aware and develop acceptance in your life. These are things that will help you develop the ability to make quick and decisive decisions and move forward without wasting time. These are the things that will set you up to go all in and create massive change in your life, so that you can finally start enjoying this life that you have worked so hard to create.
So start aligning your goals with your soul right now and just make one decision, even if it’s tiny.
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Thank you for listening to The Wealthy Happy Soul Podcast. If you want to dive deeper into alignment and start cultivating your inner wealth, head on over to drtangie.com.