Whether you’re having trouble processing your past, living the life you want in the present, or even getting caught up in planning for the future, I guarantee there is something in here for everyone, and it might just be exactly what you need to hear right now.
Join me on the podcast this week for a Q&A session with people who are just like you. I’m sharing how to view your past through a new lens in a way that can actually serve you in moving forward on your journey of conscious creation, what you can do to set boundaries, avoid blame, and so, so much more!
You are listening to episode 17 of The Wealthy Happy Soul Podcast, Q&A with Dr. Tangie.
Welcome to The Wealthy Happy Soul Podcast, a show for high achievers who are ready to start enjoying the life they’ve worked so hard to create. Join me, your host and certified life coach Dr. Tangie, to learn how to start infusing the dedication you have for your career into living a truly fulfilling life. If you’re ready to finally gain the happiness your soul has been longing for, this podcast is for you.
Hello everybody. Welcome to episode 17. I am so happy you are here, and today I thought I would do something a little bit different and give you a little bit of an inside scoop of what it’s like in the Wealthy Happy Soul community. So I have attached our most recent Q&A for your listening pleasure, and I hope you enjoy. See you next week.
Alright, hello everybody. Welcome to the Q&A session. Congratulations for completing all of the modules and submitting your questions. These are all very insightful questions. I’m glad you guys seem to be thoroughly enjoying the course. The feedback I’ve received has just been so heartwarming and I’m so glad that you guys have really felt like the modules have helped you in moving forward towards your goals and kind of adopting a different mindset around them.
So that just warms my heart, and that’s why I’m here; that’s why I do what I do. I really feel like I am here to do this so it kind of makes me emotional talking about it, but enough about me. Let’s get back to you and how I can further assist you, so if you have questions on this call feel free to raise your hand and I will address them on the call. I know there are some people who are not able to make the call today so they have submitted their questions ahead of time. And so I’m going to go through some of those.
So, the first question is “How do I begin to address what came up in the worthiness game? Do I need therapy?”
And this is a very great question. This is a very insightful question. And with not knowing any further details I would answer it depends on what came up for you. If you are dealing with a traumatic event, a traumatic situation that involved abuse, sexual abuse, or any other trauma. And it’s also affecting your daily functioning I would highly suggest reaching out to a therapist.
And if you are confused on how to do that and you don’t really know where to start please send me an email at Happysoul@drtangie.com. I can help you look for therapists based on your needs and what questions or what topics for things of that nature that you are looking to dive deeper into with a therapist.
That’s the therapy part but other than that how to address what came up in the worthiness game… whether it was you did something that made you feel like you were no longer worthy, or if something was done to you that affected your sense of worthiness and self-worth. My strongest advice is to just start with acceptance, and I often use the words acceptance and love interchangeably because I feel like love truly is acceptance. And honestly that is really the first place we can start, is to begin to accept what happened as what happened.
And I love Byron Katie’s point about arguing against reality, right? So if anything’s already happened before in the past, it becomes part of our reality and it cannot be undone, right? So the most loving thing we can do for ourselves, in that situation, is to begin just to accept what is, begin to accept what was, and that’s where I would start.
Okay. So here’s a question, “Are other people still to blame?”
And I’m assuming that because we are talking about the worthiness game that that’s what that question is about. Okay, when we are talking about blame – well let’s go back even further, let’s go back to that moment. That moment in the past, a person did something that resulted in pain for you. And I think the most important thing about that right now is to remember is that that moment, right now, only exists in your mind as a memory.
So, if we are looking at today, like that moment doesn’t exist. What exists right now is the moment of today; like what you see in front of your eyes right now, the people you see in front of your eyes, the job you go to, the kids you have. Like all of those things that’s what exists truly right now in this moment.
Whatever moment happened in the past only exists in your mind as a memory. And so when we are talking about blame, to me, this is what I go into wanting to blame someone. When I think blame I’m like okay, I blame you for this. So I’m going to hold you responsible for this. I find fault with you for a particular thing. And I see it as me putting responsibility on somebody or something else which ironically takes away from my own power because I’m giving that sense of responsibility over to somebody or something else.
For me that makes that situation a lot bigger than I am; it makes me smaller. It kind of puts me into feeling more like a victim than a creator. And I feel like it deteriorates my own sense of personal power. So, whenever I feel the urge to start blaming people or situations or things for something, I like to really be careful and question that urge because I acknowledge that by vibrating towards that energy, that blame energy, that I am giving away my power. And I don’t like to do that. So, as much as possible I like to stay away from the blaming energy.
And I know that, depending on the situation, like some things, it’s harder to do that than other things. And so I would just start to question the blame there. Like what am I blaming them for? And when I can’t get out of that then that’s when I go to my coach and we work it out. Because even though I am a coach and I’m a master at showing people and myself their brains, I totally have a blind spot when it comes to my own life sometimes.
Like we’re all human and we all have those emotionally charged situations that it’s really hard to dig ourselves out of. So that’s what I have to say about that.
We have a question about, “Boundaries around time and money. And I would like to master these areas because these are my energy links and that’s what I blame all my challenges on”.
There’s that blame word again. Okay, so when we are talking about boundaries… rule number one boundaries are always set in love. And so my advice in this situation would be to think about what is best for you and what best serves you, what best serves your highest good, what best serves your wellbeing first. And then anything that does not honor that, set a loving boundary that you’re going to release yourself from that experience.
Okay. This is good, “How do I express my needs at work without fear of retaliation?”
So in module five we talked about thought mastery and how to think through any situation. So I feel like this is a perfect question to plug into a model, and if this doesn’t answer your question, at the end of module 5 in the assignment, surprise, I gave all of you guys a free 30-minute session with me where you create what you feel like your model is and then just go in make that appointment, I sent you guys a private link, and we’ll take 30 minutes to discuss it if you feel like you are having trouble.
So what I’m going to do for you right now is kind of plug this into a model for you. So if we plug this into a model, to me it seems like your core thought about work was – which is your C, by the way – is that there will be retaliation if I express my needs.
And from not knowing anything else, without having your brain here on the call with me, what it appears to me is that when you think that then that creates the emotion of fear for you. And that emotion fear, because we know that our feelings are the fuel for all of our actions.
So if you’re operating in fear of expressing yourself, then your actions are going to be fear-based actions. And without knowing anything further about your work situation and kind of how you pose the question. This leads me to believe that your result, which come from our actions, is that you really haven’t been expressing yourself. So you can see how it creates the perfect feedback loop into your original thought that there would be a retaliation if I expressed my needs. And there’s something in you that obviously doesn’t like retaliation.
And so you’re inhibiting yourself through this, the way you are thinking about the situation from expressing yourself. I would love for you to use that private link to set up your 30-minute session and we can work through this model or another model that you have. You can bring as many models as you have to the call and we’ll just work through them so you learn how to do this yourself and kind of become aware of how you’re thinking and consciously creating in your personal life.
So the next question is about, “Expressing feelings in relationships and keeping quiet. And by keeping quiet I’m only hurting my inner spirit.”
And I would say yes, if your inner spirit does not want to keep quiet, you’re not honoring yourself. And I think the first rule in any relationship with other people is that you always honor yourself first. Otherwise it won’t work, or there’ll be tension, there’ll be friction. Because relationships are some of the biggest personal growth igniters in the world. Marriages, children, things of that nature. And you are never going to evolve if you keep quiet. Like a part of the relationship is being able to express yourself.
Okay somebody had a question about how to ignore opposing forces. And I would say you can always ignore opposition. It’s really just a decision, you can ignore it if you want to. But my question would be why would you want to?
Opposition is very uncomfortable and in my opinion it’s also one of your greatest teachers. When you embrace, not that you just intentionally go out looking for opposition, but like when it presents itself and you embrace it, and you embrace the learning and the growing and what on the other side of it once you learn and grow enough to overcome it, it can be one of your greatest teachers.
I think the opposition is really what makes you strong as a person. And it’s what gives people the confidence that they are always seeking. I get emails among consults and everybody tells me all the time like “You’re so confident. How are you so confident? I need this confidence. I need self-confidence.”
And I think the only difference is that whenever opposition presents itself, I just rise up to it; over and over and over again. My mum calls me the queen of persistence. It doesn’t feel good and I’ve spent a lot of time crying and feeling down about a lot of things.
But eventually I always rise to the challenge and find a way to overcome what’s in front of me. I think that’s really what’s made me a strong person, a confident person. So opposition I would not go seeking for it every day, like nobody wants to live a life full of opposition but if you’re noticing opposition is coming up in your life, especially if they have themes, I would pause and try to see if there is a pattern.
I would ask myself why do you think this keeps coming up for you? I would also ask myself okay so by meeting this opposition what is the opportunity for growth here? What can I learn about myself if I turn around to it and face it? Because by ignoring it to me that almost feels fear-based. And I think I would have to know a little bit more about, in particular, what the opposition is before I go any further. But that’s just what I feel like the answer should be for you.
Okay. And let’s see, “What if you are a giver to other people, but not to yourself?”
Well, first of all I would say that – what is that saying with Fight Club? The first rule of Fight Club is there is no crying in Fight Club. I don’t know or maybe that’s baseball. But anyway the number one rule of the Wealth Happy Soul Club is that you will always love yourself first.
And I truly believe that you cannot properly love anything else, including God, if you cannot do this. And I think that we can only experience the things that we give to ourselves first and I think that even when we give away love that emotion that we feel when we are giving that love away is felt by us.
It’s not necessarily felt by the other person. The other person feels based off of their own models that they’re operating out of. And I always use the example like I can see somebody and say and want to feel like this sense of love and this sense of wanting to encourage somebody and because like my cup is filled for the day, I could say, “Wow I really love that shirt you are wearing it looks so good on you.”
And just because I give it in love it doesn’t mean the other person is going to receive it in love. Because of their own model and their own filters they might take offence. They might be like, “What do you mean that shirt looks good on me? What are you trying to say? Are you trying to say that I look fat?”
Like whatever, people just have their own things going on. So, it’s just kind of like because of this, because only you are the one that is feeling the love when you give it away, my theory and my belief is that you really don’t even know what love feels like unless you’ve given it to yourself.
And I also feel like that you can’t give anybody anything that you haven’t already given to yourself. Whether that’s in the form of love, whether that’s in the form of time, emotional energy, or gifts. And, as a matter of fact, it was the beginning of 2020 where I really started diving deep into this myself. I made it a rule, like my first rule is I cannot give a gift that I have not given to myself. I cannot give anybody any type of encouragement if I’m not willing to encourage myself. And then I have to go and encourage myself first before I even give it away.
Because I feel like to give it away without having generated it in myself first, it’s kind of like you’re giving it away… most of the time you’re giving the people things you haven’t given to yourself as a form of people pleasing, as a form of wanting to get that same thing back from them. There’s this book The Five Love Languages and I haven’t read it in a while but I believe the author was saying that a lot of the times people give – so say if you’re a quality time person, you give quality time because you are also expecting quality time.
But, because we can’t control over humans it’s not their responsibility to give it to us. So our responsibility is to first give ourselves quality time, and then give other people their quality time.
Somebody wants to know how they can forgive themselves for mistakes or choices that they’ve made in the past. And how do you do that? First and foremost it’s a decision.
We talked about this earlier, the past no longer exists, it only exists in your mind. And when those things come up – I think it’s always a choice and I really think it’s an opportunity. I think life is giving you the opportunity to love and accept yourself. And one of my favorite exercises is – well it was really popular a couple years ago, it’s called Ho’oponopono.
It’s a Hawaiian practice, there was a whole book written about it. I can’t remember the name of the book… I don’t think it was called Ho’oponopono, but I remember that I read it maybe four or five years ago but involves four steps.
And the first step is just to say I’m sorry. And then the second is please forgive me, and then at this point you would be talking to yourself, if you’re trying to forgive yourself. And then you go into gratitude and you just say thank you. When I think about the gratitude part is, I think about thank you for this opportunity to love and accept myself. Thank you for this opportunity to grow. Thank you for this opportunity to keep going into gratitude.
And then after that you just say I love you. We practice the I love that exercise, like whatever the situation is like after you say I love you, you can say I did X and I love that. It really just like love and accept yourself no matter what. Because if you don’t do it, like nobody else is going to do it for you. Nobody else is going to do it for you, it is a one man, one woman job.
“I would love some more self-confidence; how do I get that?”
I would say it’s a decision again, decide that you’re going to have your own back no matter what. You’re going to be your biggest cheerleader no matter what. And I know I said don’t go intentionally looking for obstacles, but as I would say, in this sense, just become more aware of the obstacles that are presenting themselves in your life. Once you have the power and ability to overcome – I don’t think any obstacle comes into your life unless you have the ability to overcome it and be bigger than it.
But go, just become more aware of those obstacles that are there to prove to yourself just how powerful you are and do it over and over and over again. And your self-confidence will begin to grow, and blossom, and blossom. Just like a pretty little flower.
Okay, let’s see, “How do you truly get to that point of self-love and acceptance with all the past hurts and disappointments?”
So, it’s a practice. And once again, just to reiterate, the past – so many of us are living our lives from the past from something that no longer exists. We are ignoring this moment now. This moment is infinite possibility. It’s infinite. There’s a song we – well we grew up singing it and now we’re teaching it to my niece it’s called, “I am a promise, I am a possibility, I am a promise with a capital P. I am a great big bundle of potentiality.”
And that’s like my favorite line in the song because right now that’s all any of us are. I don’t care what’s happened in the past, it doesn’t matter. All we ever have right is right now and right now you are a great big bundle of potentiality. So, yeah that’s how you get to self-love and acceptance. Love yourself for who you are now, who you are choosing to be now, and love this moment for all of the potential that it has.
And also I would say go back and do these modules over and over again. That is just like the cyclical nature of life, as we grow, we just go through different levels and at each level – I call it funky town. Each level growth has a funky town, you’re going to feel like ass, and it’s not going to feel good. All this stuff is going to come up and you’re going to be like, “Uh, why? How am I even like a part of the living process?”
And I always say what’s coming up to be revealed is coming up to heal. And you are going to do this over and over again because as time goes on it’s going to reveal more and more about you. And it also gives you the opportunity to evolve as a person. And the stronger you get, the stronger you become to help other people who are struggling and who need your help.
Somebody’s question is, “I’m curious about what the next step is, now that I see how I’ve been thinking, do I just immediately start looking for thoughts that would better serve me as my basis for conscious creation? I’m curious about how effectively I can coach myself? I know I’m going to still have blind spots and I’m wondering how to account for those.”
Yes, so definitely coach yourself and I would highly encourage – I think everybody needs a coach. And I have a coach. And for that same reason because I do have blind spots. I think it depends on the situation, so when we are using the model, the model is really like a tool of awareness.
And it can show us exactly what’s going on in our brain in this moment of time. It can show us exactly what we’re creating for ourselves. It can show us in the moment how what we are thinking, what we are choosing to think – key word – how that is affecting how we are feeling. How that is affecting how we are showing up in our lives. How that is affecting what we are creating for ourselves and whether or not that is serving us for where we want to go.
So, yes. But it’s not just, “Let me hurry up and feel better, let me hurry up and think a better thought.” Because there is this art of emotional processing to kind of heal yourself to the next level. And I think that is really the art of coaching. Self-coaching as well but you’re not going to get your blind spots with 100% self-coaching.
So for that I would say yes and. So yes, and keep doing your models, keep coaching yourself, and step it up to the next level and start working with a one-on-one private coach who can help you more with the emotional processing and more with your blind spots and, of course, I would love to help you with that if you feel like it is an energetic match for you.
If there are no further questions I will – oh somebody said, “I don’t want to leave. Is this the end?”
Oh, yes. So, this is the end of Wealthy, however, if you want to be a part of the Wealthy Happy Soul Project where we take these concepts even deeper, then my card is open for that. So if you just go to drtangie.com and there’s a little yellow highlighted button, yellow button, that says course, then you can click on that and get on in the Wealthy Happy Soul Project. We kick off later this month. There is going to be a lot of identity shifting and quantum leaps for people this year. So it’s going to be super fun so you can go ahead and sign up for that.
Alright guys. I think that’s it. I will talk to you later – oh and I guess because this was a real-time live course the last thing I want to say is that for anybody who’s coming from Wealthy, so today is December 16th 2020, if you are coming through Wealthy after that continue to fill out your assessments, continue to submit your questions, and once I gather enough questions from people who’ve gone through the course or whatever I will send out an email for another live Q&A session so you guys won’t be neglected.
But, right now, I’m in Colombia. I came to visit my niece, they live in South America and she’s expecting a baby brother so I came to spend some quality time with her. Before her baby brother gets here. So I’m about to go so I can do that, and it means so much to me that you guys have enjoyed this as much as you have. Alright, bye.
Hey. Want to learn exactly how to overcome all the obstacles that are keeping you from having both success and happiness? Well, sign up for the Wealthy Happy Soul Project, so that you can begin creating the life you really want to live.
And this is perfect for you if you don’t want to waste another year swimming in indecision while watching other people just get over themselves and do the things that you have been dreaming about. There are so many people, even during a worldwide pandemic, who have started their business anyway, who have doubled their income anyway, and who have switched careers anyway. Isn’t it your turn? Go to drtangie.com, click on the yellow course button and sign up now.
Thank you for listening to The Wealthy Happy Soul Podcast. If you want to dive deeper into alignment and start cultivating your inner wealth, head on over to drtangie.com.