You are listening to episode 1 of the Wealthy Happy Soul Podcast: Success Exhaustion.
Welcome to the Wealthy Happy Soul Podcast, a show for high achievers who are ready to start enjoying the life they’ve worked so hard to create. Join me, your host and certified life coach Dr. Tangie, to learn how to start infusing the dedication you have for your career into living a truly fulfilling life. If you’re ready to finally gain the happiness your soul has been longing for, this podcast is for you.
Hello everybody. Welcome. Welcome to episode one. I am ecstatic to have you here. And if you happen to be somebody who sometimes feels bad about complaining about being unhappy or unfulfilled because to the rest of the world you seem to have it pretty damn good, I just want you to know that you are in the right place.
So settle on in because today, I thought we would just dive right in and discuss the topic that has really inspired my entire coaching practice. And this topic, it’s so relevant to those of us who were taught the philosophy of be good, go to school, make good grades, get a good job. Mind you, get a good job that pays well and allows you to live comfortably. And then everything will be okay and you will be happy.
So then that’s what you do, you’re really proud of yourself, but you’re also almost ashamed to really admit that you still feel like there’s something missing from your life, or that you kind of thought there would be more. You’re looking around like, okay, is this it? Is this what I’ve worked so hard for?
And that is a term that I have coined as success exhaustion. So today, we are going to talk about that specifically and what it is and who it happens to, why does it happen, when does it happen. We’re going to discuss all these things. And we’re also going to talk about the difference between success exhaustion and burnout and how you can tell the difference and where you fit in.
So let’s get right down to it. Success, it’s what we have been taught to chase for our entire lives. And technically, it is defined as the accomplishment of an aim or a purpose. And it’s funny, really funny how our brains like to take the idea of success and really use it to just beat ourselves up for no good reason at all.
And usually, it’s based on some aim or goal that’s not even ours. We didn’t even come up with it ourselves. It’s based on things like you have to be a doctor or a lawyer or an engineer. You got to be married, where are your kids?
And what you find out along the way is that on top of that, there are these other hidden levels that nobody ever tells you about. In many cases, like in people who are attaining first generation success, it’s not that people are willingly leading you down this wonky path. A lot of the times, the people who were encouraging you to go after certain things, they just really didn’t know what lay on the other side.
And as you go along and now that you’ve gotten into school, you’ve got to figure out exactly what kind of doctor or what kind of lawyer or what kind of engineer you’re going to be because clearly, you can see that one is considered to be more successful than the other. And of course, you want the success, right?
And really, what you find out is that the levels never end because there’s always this other carrot that you find yourself chasing. Should you go for partner? Should you actually get that G wagon? How much did you say that country club membership is again?
Like, it’s so exhausting. But just take a deep breath and realize that it doesn’t have to be that way at all. And when we break it down really, there’s two ways to attain success. I like to think of the two ways as the first being success alignment, which is based on internal validation and it works with your own internal guidance or your intuition.
It involves conscious creation. And then there’s success exhaustion, and that’s what we’re talking about today. That is the exhaustion and the overwhelm and the anxiety and the unfulfillment that occur when your measurement of success is based largely on external validation.
It’s when you’re proud of your accomplishments but you’re freaking exhausted. It never ends and you can’t figure out why you’re not as satisfied as you should be. Yet, you also don’t identify with being burnt out, which we’re going to talk about a little bit later.
And success exhaustion happens to people much like yourself, who might struggle with perfectionism or feeling anxious much of the time or insecurity, or always feeling like you aren’t good enough, or you always feel like you have something to prove.
And it happens because at some point, you began to give your power away for different varieties of external validation. Now, you may have done this consciously or it could have been unconscious, but at some point, you begin to give your own power away for things that come from outside of yourself, that you believe on some level make you more of a worthy person.
And people suffering from success exhaustion often think that happiness can only come after the goal is achieved, which is why they find themselves feeling so utterly unfulfilled when they finally become that doctor or that lawyer and there’s no magic happy parade to welcome them to the other side.
I know for me, I was like, hey, wait a second, I thought Oprah was going to be here? Where is Beyoncé? What is happening? This isn’t what I expected. And so you often find yourself thinking thoughts like they don’t like me. That’s at work or in your social circles, you always find evidence for why people may or may not like you.
If all of these things are running through your mind, you may also think that I’m not smart enough or I’m not good enough.
And if this is the case, then you might be suffering from success exhaustion. And listen, I am so exhausted right now just repeating those thoughts, so I know that you have to be exhausted thinking them over and over again day after day.
And I know this because I was also there. And a lot of people are like, well, isn’t this just the same as burnout? And I coached on burnout for years and I will answer that question as no because burnout is defined as long-term chronic job stress.
And that leads to feeling exhausted and feeling overwhelmed and cynicism and being detached from your job and having poor performance and ultimately lacking a sense of personal accomplishment, even though many times you are really accomplished.
And the thing is that you can feel the same feelings in both success exhaustion and in burnout, but here is really how you tell the difference. Burnout, once again, is due to chronic job stress, specifically that leaves you feel exhausted and detached and powerless.
Whereas success exhaustion starts with the exhaustion, the overwhelm, the anxiety, and the unfulfillment that occurs because your measurement of success is based largely on external validation.
But you also know that you’re not powerless in the situation and you are also very interested in figuring out all the things you can do in order to find relief and the fulfillment that you’ve been looking for for so long, and that’s what this podcast as a whole is about.
So it’s very possible that the two may actually intertwine, but they are actually two separate entities. Burnout is due to chronic job stress. Success exhaustion is due to giving away your power either consciously or unconsciously.
And to further explain this, what I like to do is use an analogy between success exhaustion and casual drinking. And this helps people understand what success exhaustion really is. So imagine you are stressed, work is crazy, your family life is hectic, and some days you just want to come home and relax with a nice cold glass of Prosecco.
It’s not a problem really. It’s just a glass, it’s a night or two a week, and gosh, you really stinking deserve it. I mean, come on, right? But over time, what you begin to realize is that you’re having the glass of Prosecco every single night and sometimes to be completely honest, it’s more than just a glass, right?
Sometimes it’s three quarters of a bottle, sometimes it’s the whole bottle but no judgment. No judgment at all. And at some point, you begin to realize that your nightly rendezvous with this Prosecco and all her cousins, her Chardonnay, is really all that you can think about during the day. Because hey, it’s happy hour somewhere, right? It’s nine o clock here but it’s five o clock in China or wherever.
So you’re not an alcoholic but at the same time, you also know that if you don’t address this issue, that it could end up poorly. That’s where cirrhosis comes from. It’s kind of what identifying with success exhaustion is. it’s being really aware that the way you’re going about your life isn’t necessarily healthy or empowering, but also left unchecked, you know it could lead to some major problems, and all of a sudden, you’re known as the midlife crisis chick.
And you also know that you want to do something about it now before it’s too late, or before the pressure becomes too much to bear. So what can you do about it? The first step is really being willing to be aware of your life and your circumstances and yourself, and then you have to decide to take your power back.
And in order to do this, you really need to be willing to examine yourself and go deeper and be willing to feel all the things, think about all the things so that you can live a much happier life. And a very easy way to start is to simply determine your own definition of success and why success matters to you, and then build your entire life around that. Your definition.
And that’s what I help my clients do and I love to tell them all the good news about it like you get to define this for yourself. You get to decide what success is for yourself. You get to tell the story of your own success. None of this other stuff matters at all. At all.
And once you learn how to do this, then that’s when life becomes super fun and you begin to step into who it is that you were really meant to be. And so I know right now that many of your brains are like, huh? What is she talking about? Because actually believing that these things like success and happiness can simply come from your own mind can be a little bit of a tall order, and I know this.
It sounds great, but where are the metrics? How can I know if I’m doing it right? And all of these things are available to you while living in success alignment? Is it measurable? Yes. Can it be taught? Absolutely. I created the model of conscious creation specifically for my clients to teach them how to do this over and over and over again.
It can literally take you from working 60 hours a week, not having any control over your own schedule, not having any time for yourself, let alone real quality time with your family and friends, to more than doubling your income while working only 10 days a month, and using your freed up time to deeply connect with yourself and the people you love, while also cultivating your true purpose and living that out loud.
All this in a matter of 12 weeks. Really, lighting fast shifts can occur in your life if you are willing to be really aware of yourself and stop ignoring all the yellow and red flags in the name of success. And I know this because this is my story. It took my years to figure out how to do this in a very systematic way, but once I figured it out, I learned the process of how to make massive shifts in my life 12 weeks at a time, and so can you.
And here is even more good news. Over the next weeks and months, this is what I will be sharing with you because really, it is just too damn good to keep to myself. I would seriously feel like a criminal. So next week, I am going to start by sharing with you the model of conscious creation that I spoke about, and the three major steps that it involves.
And then I’m going to walk you through all the major themes and pillars involved in my own 12-week process that you can apply to any situation and really begin to see significant improvement. Guys, I want us all to win. I want us all to be happy, I want us all to know our worth, and I want us all to be as wealthy as we can be, both materially and inherently.
And actually, I created this acronym for the word wealthy to mean the most worthy, empowered, altruistic, loving, including self-loving, thought mastering, healthy, happy version of yourself. So we’re going to go there as well.
And I really just want to get across the point that there is much more to wealth than money. And I also have some money tips up my sleeve as well that of course I’ll be sharing. But all that to say you might just want to go ahead and hit subscribe because I have so many wonderful things to share that I know you are going to want to hear.
So if you are interested in more on the topic of success exhaustion and how you can create your own version of success alignment and see where it is you currently stand on the success exhaustion scale, head on over to drtangi.com and take the success alignment quiz.
It is such a pleasure to get to share this information with you because it is near and dear to me. And I hope that it has truly helped you in some way. And I would like to invite you to come back next week when we’re going to talk about conscious creation and how you can use your own internal power to be in the driver’s seat and guide your life instead of feeling like life is always driving you around all the time.
If you enjoyed the show, please make sure to go to iTunes and subscribe, rate, and review so that more of our wealthy happy soul family can find the show. It really makes a huge difference. Also, you’re definitely going to want to remember that I’m doing a giveaway and to enter, all you have to do is leave a review, screenshot it, and send it to me.
And for instructions on how to do that and for more information about the giveaway, please head on over to drtangie.com/podcastlaunch and you can learn more about the giveaway. And I’m really excited about it because I love gifts. I love being a gift and I love giving gifts.
So head on over there and find out all about the giveaway, and also, thank you so much for listening to this week’s episode of the Wealthy Happy Soul. See you next week.
Thank you for listening to the Wealthy Happy Soul Podcast. If you want to dive deeper into alignment and start cultivating your inner wealth, head on over to drtangie.com.